


The Weird Shit Elves Do: Cookie Bake Off - Part Two

by Malen



Series: The Weird Shit Elves Do [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age - Various Authors, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:18:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3175822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malen/pseuds/Malen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continued cookie idea, inspired by Ceren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weird Shit Elves Do: Cookie Bake Off - Part Two

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ceren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceren/gifts).



She opens the door, slowly.  
Makes her way around the rubble and wood still laying along the pathway.  
“Lazy butts.” She whispers to herself.  
Quietly she sneaks through the last door and softly up the steps.  
Lavellan is sleeping, soundly in her bed.  
She takes a moment to look her friend over.  
Her face mushed up against her pillow, mouth crooked open, drool puddles in the corner,  
leaving its wet pattern on the pillow case. Her arms tucked underneath the pillow.  
Blankets are half kicked off the bed, and her legs looks as if she was frozen in place in  
the middle of a wild leap.  
She snickers in her playful manner. Thinking about how funny the picture is when it all comes together.  
“3…2…1…” She whispers, leaping onto the bed, elbow first into the pillow that lay empty by Lavellan’s head.  
Lavellan jumps up! Fear, surprise, the pull of shock jolting her to sit up, in reaction.  
Barely gaining her vision she sees Sera laying on her back now, smiling.  
Her heart still pounding in her chest. She takes a breath.  
“Sera!” she bursts out, still not clear enough in her head to form a complete thought.

“Morning beautiful! So I had this thought. Or rather I was dreaming a thought. It was such a great idea.  
You said if I ever had an idea to help, that you’d listen. So here I am with… a thought, or idea, or dream.”  
Sera’s excitement fumbles her thoughts.  
Lavellan wipes the drool from the side of her face and lays back down right into the now cold wet spot on her pillow,  
she pulls back away from it, with a look of disgust on her face.  
“Yeah, you made a good one there” Sera jests. “Musta been a good sleep.”  
“It was.” Lavellan snaps back.” It’s so early in the morning, Sera. What is so important?”  
“So this dream yeah? I was thinking, or dreaming about cookies.  
Ya know, and like how everyone loved eating them. Like everyone…” her voice drops down into her drawn-out words.  
“People were all over those cookies. The tavern had never seen so many faces. Then the cookies were real, and angry.”  
Sera scrunches her face to mimic the cookies feelings.  
“They started choking people by shoving themselves into their mouths and suffocating them.  
It was crazy yeah! Cookies killing people.” Sera’s excitement starting to bubble up.  
“It got me thinking, what if we made cookies that killed people?” Her face open and full, eyebrows raised up.  
“Cookies that kill people?” Lavellan rolls onto her back, catching her thoughts up with Sera’s fast paced energy.  
Bringing her hand up to rub her eyes. She already knows she will not be sleeping past this point.  
“Yeah, well not like little beasts that actually jump down people throats, though that would be fun to see,  
but bringing them to life would mean magic, blood magic and cookies don’t have blood, unless we put blood in them, but then..”  
her thoughts spinning out in her excitement to get to her idea.  
“Sera, what are you going on about?” Lavellan sends in a response to help slow Sera’s unwinding thoughts.  
“Yeah, no blood magic cookies, I don’t even know where that…anyway, poison.” Sera completes part of her thought.  
“You want to poison the people with cookies?” Lavellan starting to gain clarity in this cold, abrupt morning surprise.  
“Well, not our people, but the baddies. Like the bees. Those work yeah? Instead of bees that are all loud and buzzy, broken glass.  
When we need to be quiet, yeah? We can make cookies, we fill them with poison. Because everyone loves cookies.  
My people can leave them places or send them to the baddies.” She finally completes the idea. Raising herself into a sitting position on Lavellan’s bed.  
“I thought about throwing them at people, but I think they would just get angrier and I’d waste a cookie.”  
Lavellan sits up to meet Sera’s gaze.  “Poisoned cookies. Bull’s chargers could use those too. They like fun ways of killing people.”  
“See now you’re comin’ round.” Sera, just realizing how weird it would be if she had to walk out of Lavellan’s room with a cookie denial weighing on her.  
Not the kind of walk of shame she ever thought of.  
“Would we need labels, because we don’t want anyone mistaking them for actual cookies?” Lavellan breaks into the serious side of the topic.  
“Oh, yeah didn’t really think of that.” Sera looks down a bit disappointed by the reality.  
“We could name them _Sera’s Batch_ that should be enough for people to question eating them.” Lavellan’s wit showing attention to the matter.  
Sera returns a smile in approval. “I’ve never had anything named after me before, and what better than cookies?”  
The two go on about the different flavors matched with different poisons for a longer than they even expected.

 

A few days later Dorian is going through some of the inventory, as they prepare for an upcoming adventure.  
Noticing a small sack cloth he pulls it out… “Sera’s Batch.” He mumbles to himself. “I’m not touching that.”  
He puts them back in place with full intent to question Sera about why she is stashing her sack lunch in with their weaponry.  
He makes his way to the tavern, for a well needed drink, as he hates taking inventory.  
Walking into the tavern he grabs a seat next to Krem and Bull who are in the middle of a discussion.  
“So, we leave them right on the table with a note reading - _for you my love -_ because who doesn’t have someone they think they love?  
The guy opens it and eats one right away. Choking he falls to the floor.  
His buddy comes along, not even thinking and sees his friend lying dead, and goes… _well, he won’t miss these,_ and then he falls over dead.  
Stitches couldn’t stop laughing. I’ve got to tell you, Sera’s batch sure makes killing those assbuckets fun.” The two laugh out loudly.  
“That’s a good one Krem” Bull says turning his attention to Dorian, who has just decided to order a stronger drink.

 


End file.
